{"title":"DC Comics","description":"\u003ch2\u003eDC Comics: Or, The Problem with Having a Lot of Very Straight Teeth\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"1\"\u003eYou’d think a company that has been around since, what, 1934? Would have figured out their filing system by now. And yet, one looks at the entire \u003cb\u003eDC Comics Universe\u003c\/b\u003e and sees not a universe, but a vast, terrifying storage unit where someone—probably a man named \u003ci\u003eBarry\u003c\/i\u003e who peaked in 1986—has just shoved anything that wouldn’t fit in a box labeled “Marvel: The Angsty Ones.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eIt’s just... \u003ci\u003eso\u003c\/i\u003e much. They have the man who is literally \u003cb\u003eSuperman\u003c\/b\u003e, who, let’s be honest, is too perfect to be interesting. He’s the handsome, impossibly cheerful nephew you dread seeing at Thanksgiving because you know he'll only talk about his promotion and his perfect new girlfriend. No flaws, no bad habits, no embarrassing addictions to nicotine or hoarding antique dental tools. It's exhausting. Who wants to read about a man who just… \u003ci\u003ealways\u003c\/i\u003e does the right thing? Give me a hero who's lost his keys, forgot to pay his Con Edison bill, and is wearing socks with holes in the toes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003eThen there is \u003cb\u003eBatman\u003c\/b\u003e. Now, Bruce Wayne—or whatever his name is—is interesting only because he has clearly been a deeply unhappy child who grew into an even \u003ci\u003emore\u003c\/i\u003e miserable adult. He's rich, he’s traumatized, he has that bizarre, co-dependent relationship with his elderly butler, Alfred, which is probably going to be a fascinating chapter in Alfred’s posthumous tell-all memoir, \u003ci\u003eHe Wouldn't Even Eat a Vegetable\u003c\/i\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eBut the moment you start to appreciate the delicious, self-imposed misery of a rich man who fights crime while dressed as a rodent, they bring in all the other noise. The Flash, Aquaman, Wonder Woman—a perfectly lovely Amazonian warrior who, let's face it, is probably far too well-adjusted to be hanging around with the rest of this lot. They all stand around in their meticulously pressed, brightly colored spandex, looking \u003cb\u003etoo clean\u003c\/b\u003e and having too many principles. They are the friends you stop calling because you know they’ll insist on splitting the check exactly to the penny and will give you a concerned look if you order a third martini.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eIt’s the \u003cb\u003elack of shame\u003c\/b\u003e that truly bothers me. This whole ‘Justice League’ business. The idea that all these exceptional, profoundly lonely people decide to meet in a giant clubhouse in the sky to talk about their feelings and make important decisions. They should be hiding their gifts, terrified that someone will find out they spend their weekends dressed like that. Instead, it’s a parade! A collective, brightly-lit ego trip where the greatest tragedy is a slight scratch on one of the invisible jets.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003eI’m sorry, but I just don’t trust people who are that earnest. Or that well-muscled. I’d much rather read a comic about \u003cb\u003eMister Mxyzptlk\u003c\/b\u003e—the small, inexplicably annoying imp from the fifth dimension. Now \u003ci\u003ethere\u003c\/i\u003e is a character with the quiet, unsettling chaos of a relative who moves in for a long visit and insists on cleaning your spice rack with a toothbrush. He's an actual, relatable mess, which is more than I can say for a billionaire dressed like a bat.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0962\/3709\/2937\/collections\/DC_Bullet_2024.webp?v=1764628365","url":"https:\/\/grumpycomics.com\/collections\/dc-comics.oembed","provider":"The Grumpy Apothecary","version":"1.0","type":"link"}